Just got back from a fun weekend up North. I feel I have to describe it as up North, just as I’d say dahn Sarf. I have no idea how you describe going East as no-one ever does that as far as I’m aware (sorry Emily – but you must have noticed by now you are the only person over there not related to everyone else). Of course it should be “Go West”, but I prefer “By ‘yer” as it just about destroys any and all principles of grammatical sense.
Anyway, it was good fun and I’m not going to mention the meal we had on Saturday night – as that would be a very negative thing and as you know I’m a positive-thinking person. OK – well I’m trying to be one. I also can’t mention the tests that I had to do on Friday (critical reasoning, numerical analysis, personality profile) – just in case a prospective employer should find this blog and discover what I really thought of them.
|All together now…
So what else is there? Magpies of course. Now Richard Herring does an excellent bit on this – you may have read some of it in Metro some time last year (and if not, I’m sure some of you will – now that I’ve mentioned it – just to prove that you can). Anyway, Magpies – or more specifically the Magpie Reward System. You know – the rhyme that goes 1 for Sorrow, 2 for Joy etc. I’ll leave you to read about the wasted opportunity of going straight from Sorrow to Joy, when it surely needed a sliding-scale in increasing fortune; and as for the the relative luck of having a baby boy rather than a girl – well, I didn’t make it up, so don’t ask me; also, what a let-down seven is … not only is a secret something that isn’t told anyway, what’s the point … and no-way is that better than gold.
Nevertheless … despite the multiple flaws in the system, am I the only one that looks for another magpie if I see one on its own? It gets to be quite frantic, and then I usually see at least two more – that joy is so elusive, no wonder they put it in at number two.
I don’t think I’ve ever exceeded seven at one time, but just in case you were wondering, there are two schools of thought on what comes next. There’s this one, which is quite twee:
- Eight for a wish;
- Nine is a kiss;
- Ten is a bird you just can’t miss.
But I prefer this one, which is much darker, and therefore more likely to be true:
- Eight for heaven,
- Nine for hell
- And ten for the de[vi]l’s own sel'[f]
Happy to be of service – I’m sure you’ve always wondered – just like me. And just in case … I’m calling shotgun on a key-ring of (dead) magpies that will allow the owner – on seeing one or more magpies in the wild – to make the number up to whatever they require. The prototype is a tad bulky (and a bit smelly TBH, but I’m sure we can iron out those problems – literally).